Thursday, March 12, 2009

Does It Get Easier (DUI Loss Entry No. 8)

People ask if it gets easier as time passes from when your loved one died. It's been over two years now since the crash in January, 2007. My mom died at the scene, my dad in March, 2007, just short of his 89th birthday. I feel like I miss them more as time passes, maybe because the time since I actually was with them is longer. Also, the first year there was so much going on, and it was so overwhelming, that I was more stressed and angry and depressed. Now I feel less angry, less stressed, and happier overall, but I miss them more. I feel the loss more.

So does it get easier? For me, yes and no. Day to day life has gotten easier. The criminal part of the case is over, so I no longer go to criminal court every 3-4 weeks and see the man who did this and listen to the details of the crash and my parents' deaths. The hospital bills are taken care of, the house is sold, for about a year now life has been more "normal" in the sense that most of the hours of the day are not consumed any longer with things connected to my parents' death. So, in that sense, my life is more focused on the here and now, on the good things in it, and there are many, for which I am grateful.

But no in that I don't feel I'll ever get over the loss or the way they died. I still think about the pain they must have felt, and still tear up at odd times, even at happy memories. And I still struggle with what to say to people. Sometimes people joke about drinking too much or drinking and driving, and I can't laugh at that. Sometimes people who don't know what happened talk about their parents and ask about mine. And I am stuck on how to answer. Part of me wants to tell everyone my parents died because of an intoxicated driver, because I hope that will make more and more people be more careful. Yet, it seems inappropriate at times during a casual conversation to introduce something so painful. And sometimes it is too hard for me. I don't want to talk about it at that moment.